#wallowing in pity atm

[realbacchus]

I miss 2017 so bad. 17/18 year old me was so excited to go to uni and have a good time and I was getting piercings and going to concerts and generally just living being surrounded by people. Now I have like 1 close friend, half the people I thought would be proud of me are apathetic at best, 2020 happened, I'm resented for going to school by my own parent. Idk what went wrong but something sure did. Nothing like busting your ass for 4 years only to not be able to talk about it or be happy about it.

[sushisocks]

yeah 😞

me, the motherfucker with over 50 abandoned works in progress: i have an idea

[corneater3000]

just accidentally stumbled upon a poem my ex wrote about me and actually fell to my knees i’m really for real in agony rn #breakupposting

[selfdefrecation]

27

It's the last day of March, 2024 and I felt like reflecting on my 27th year alive.

I started it off with some bad luck in 2023 by getting my brand new 1 month old S23 phone stolen at the Blackpink concert at Philippine Arena. I was traumatized, grieving, and frustrated. I still had to pay for it for the next 11 months at 4,250/mo. And my dumb impulsive response / solution was to find myself a sugar daddy, thinking they could get me a new phone like- jskdfjwakehf. I never got one, but I did sign up on some apps HAHAHA

My next solution months later was to start a t-shirt printing dropshipping business. I still have it shelved until now. But this was the first sign I felt off about my office "friends" after I asked J to help me with it.

Anyways, I ended up not having any other sources of income other than my salary. But it still got me to go overseas TWICE 6 months apart. The downside is I didn't have any savings for the whole year. Only sinking funds and vibes. My daily dose of copium is telling myself that money comes back but the memories will be forever. Cause, I still can't believe I went to Japan and Singapore. <3

Regarding my friendships, cz and I got closer than ever because of the TSwift Eras Tour planning. We chat and send each other memes everyday. kl and I aren't as frequently chatting anymore cause she got a bf now, but we're still cool and supportive of each other. My blinks are still amicable. i love experiencing girlhood with them. <3<3<3

As for my office friends, I guess it never felt the same after I got back from the blackpink concert. And our office seats had new arrangements and older people were brought up as replacements.

Puttin' someone first only works when you're in their top five. (...)

Familiarity breeds contempt.

- Bejeweled, Taylor Swift

Anyways, I've been kicked out from their top five. It was only exclusive for people who could fit inside a 5-seater car. ksanfvakdjfbak

I ended my 27th year with a full circle moment by getting my brand new Buds2 lost in the van omw home. Taylor Swift and the holy week squeezed my wallet dry with almost nothing left on my ATM. And I wasn't able to celebrate my birthday in the office because I couldn't afford to. But they deserve it cause they didn't even greet me on my birthday, and the last resort pity cake was worse cause they barely gave any effort. It was laughable. And some of the top 5 girlies didn't even greet me in the end.

i'm okay. I'm gwenchana. I'm gonna be fine. I'm doing good. I'm on some new shit. I still have good friends. I will try and push through with my new attempt at getting a second source of income this year so I won't wallow in self pity comparing my income with my older siblings. I will be successful!!!

In conclusion, I'm feeling hopeful for my 28th year.

[kinnsporsche]

what.. is the plan... with Chapter 11 of true north... I have been thinking and thinking about that chapter 10 ending all week 😭 *Rachel Berry voice* "Pleak"

Wait I don't mean that to be demanding lol omg I am just letting you know that your fic lives in my mind rent free and I am just so excited to read it!! I'm vibrating like a tiny overexcited chihuahua

skskskskskks i didn’t read it as demanding it’s okay! but i’m hoping to have it up by the end of this week i got to about 7k on monday but i’m trying to fight my way out of a depressive episode coupled with a chronic pain flare up so i haven’t had the time or energy to go back and finish it up yet

i’m so happy that ur enjoying it though when people tell me they like my fic it makes me riejksldldjdkdl 🥹

[lomeniel]

Post second dose fever. Woollen undershirt, hoodie, fleece blanket, and my duvet. The only thing missing is a cup of cocoa. Preferably with whipped cream.

[slut4colinbridgerton]

Bittersweet in my mouth|| COLIN BRIDGERTON

PROMPT: “People warned me about you. I didn’t listen… God I wish I did.”

Requested?: No

Ship: Colin Bridgerton x Reader

Warnings: AFAB pronouns, Colin being an oblivious cunt (please let me know if i have to add something else)

Summary: idk man there’s just angst

A/N: Hey guys! This is my first one shot/imagine, so any constructive criticism is welcome!! Also I will be taking requests, however i would like to stick to bridgerton atm. I hope you enjoy :)

“Are you ok?” Y/N looked up to see Eloise standing behind them.

“Yeah.. Yeah I am.”

Eloise rolled her eyes,

“I don’t think people hide behind bushes would be considered ‘fine’. Definitely not sane that’s for sure-”

She was cut off briefly with an elbow to the stomach “What the hell Y/N?, you’ve been acting weird since…” she trailed off.

“Oh. Oh.”

“Eloise don’t. I’m not in the mood to talk about my feelings. I just want to wallow in self pity.” She sat on the bench and fiddled with the silk fabric of her dress. Eloise simply sat next to her on the bench.

“Y’know you’re not too late.” Eloise said, staring into the air.

“What, how can I not be? He’s now engaged to Marina, I can’t do anything more.”

“Y/N, no offense but shut up. You are a wonderful person, you’re elegant, an academic, any man would be lucky to have you! If Colin can’t see that, then it’s his fault, not yours.”

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said about me, and about romance for that fact.” Y/N chuckled.

“Yeah, it is. That’s how much I’m rooting for you and him.”

“Rooting for them and who?”

They both stood up and snapped around, to see the man they were just talking about,

“Why are you both looking at me like that? Have I got something on my face?”

Eloise cleared her throat,

“No one, nothing, I should go-”

“Eloise no, don’t you dare!” Y/N straggled to get a hold of Eloise’s arm, but failed, and Eloise sauntered off.

“Y/N, are you feeling ok? Have you come down with an illness?” He says, pressing the back of his hand to her forehead, “You’ve been acting off this whole party.”

Y/N stepped back from Colin,

“ Colin just leave it, I’m ok, I’m just sick of everyone asking me that!”

Colin raised his hands in defeat,

“Ok ok, just please, tell me what’s troubling you. It’s unlike you to be this.. reserved.”

“Colin what would you know what I’m like? You’re hardly around me anymore.” Y/N yelled out.

“Pardon?”

“Do not act like you haven’t been. You’ve been so infatuated with Miss Thompson, You have hardly spent any time with anyone else!”

“Why are you acting like this, is because you are jealous? I mean I don’t blame you! Marina has had more luck on the marriage market in a few weeks, more then you’ve had for the last few months! And it will probably stay that way.”

Y/N’s blood seemed to drain from their face,

“Y/N I’m so sorr-” She held up a finger to cut him off,

“Save it.”

Y/N turned away and stormed out of the garden, Colin just stood there, just watching her walk away.

Eloise was stood talking with Penelope, when she felt a sudden tap on her shoulder; she turned around to see Y/N standing there, her eyes heavy and red.

“Hold on Penelope-”

“Oh ok then,” Penelope was confused, but then again she was used to Eloises antics.

Eloise grabbed Y/N’s arm and lead to to a more secluded part of the occasion,

“What did he say, you must tell me!”

“He told me that I was jealous, due to the fact that Miss Thompson had more luck this season then I’ve ever had.”

Eloise balled her fists,

“Oh I’m going to kill him-”

“Eloise, don’t.”

Eloise sighed, then sat down; Y/N joined her,

“I’m getting a real sense of deja vu here.” Y/N laughed bitterly,

“Sat down? You crying because of my idiot of a brother? I think it’s starting to become our thing.”

Y/N looked at Eloise,

“I’m sorry for unloading this all on you-”

“Don’t you worry, it gives me something else to to other than listen to the mindless suitors of the ton.”

Y/N chuckled.

They heard footsteps coming from behind them, and they turned around; and once again they had a sense of deja vu.

It was Colin.

“Can I-”

“No.”

“Eloise I need to talk to-”

“Not in your wildest dreams brother.”

“Why not? I need to say-”

“What? Are you planning to insult her again? Planning to demean her further? Oh why don’t you just insult her family-”

“Alright I get it! Just please, tell me where she is.”

“Fine, she’s behind me.”

“What?”

Y/N poked her head out,

“Hi.”

Hello! Thank you so much for reading my first imagine/one shot. There will be a part 2, due to the fact that I just could not put it all in one. Hoped you enjoyed this and will read part 2 :)

- caitlin/sage <3

[ink-pen-rat]

speed sketch clowns - they are so tiny

bonus ill portraits:

I have a sinus infection atm and reading week is still 8 days away - yes I am wallowing in self-pity

[princeanxious]

Anxceit angst:

Janus: What if I lose myself in the lies? What if i forget which mask is mine, or that Im wearing one at all? What happens when its not worth the trouble of finding me anymore?

Virgil: It will always be worth it, and I will always be here to find you when you can't find yourself. I promise. I'll keep you safe.

-years later, after Virgil leaves-

Virgil: I dont remember you being like this! Its like you changed, you arent the friend I used to know.

Janus, smiling coldly: Funny how that works, hm? Sometimes, people change. Sometimes, people forget who they are because they must play charades to survive, and collect masks like personalities to hide the pain from even themselves, if it means staying alive.

Janus: It's a Pity, really, that I spent so much time wallowing in the mask of a broken promise that You gave me. It made it easy, though, to forget the softer parts of myself that cared.

Janus: So no, Virgil. I am not the friend you used to know. God knows the mask he held to hide the feelings he had for you has long since shattered right along with him.

Janus: And I will continue to stand in his place and crush every piece left of the mask that died to ensure that it never happens again.

Janus: You needn't let it weigh on you, though. Children should never have to put that kind of expectation on another. I've learned from that mistake, and I do not intend to repeat it.

(Aka Janus is still hurt by Virgil leaving, but at this point he genuinely doesnt hold it against Virgil, having lost his ability to hold that grudge at somepoint when he'd lost another mask. Hes learned and done some healing and also done some not great self-destructive spiraling inplace of holding a grudge.)

(I rly want this to end like, happily, but i dont have time to figure out how atm so take this)

✨reblogs appreciated!✨

[captainsatspeed]

songs from my on repeat playlist on spotify that i think the ghosts would like/remind me of them, pt 2:

decided to remake this post from a year and a half ago, this time with a different on repeat because i’m bored and somehow managed to bring my ghosts obsession back. i’m probably going to struggle with assigning songs to all of them due to the abundance of noel gallagher in my on repeat (don’t ask) but we move.

robin: this must be the place (naive melody) - the talking heads

it’s just cute and shamelessly happy. it feels like him. i’m already imagining an edit of him to the intro. (it was a tough debate between him and kitty for this but nothing else really suited robin.)

humphrey: sail on - noel gallagher’s high flying birds

makes me think of his ability to move on. he was married to and sacrificed himself for someone he didn’t love, but doesn’t wallow in self-pity or ask for anything.

mary: mr tambourine man - bob dylan

i think mary’d like folk music. it would remind her of her life. this song can be a bit far fetched lyrics wise and would fit perfectly for her improvisation skills

kitty: colour me blue - alfie templeman

just a pure, happy song about being in love. she’d adore it.

thomas: this night has opened my eyes - the smiths

yes i know thomas is a cure head but. angsty. “she could have been a poet or she could’ve been a fool”. like are you telling me that isn’t thomas. 

(also, honourable mention to bad habit by steve lacy, yes we’re all overusing that song atm, but it does apply to him with isabelle. and it is a banger tbf)

lady b: washing machine heart - mitski

everyone always loves assigning mitski to cap, but i say: “ i know who you pretend i am”. miss gal was married to a gay man. it’s angsty. she’s always grumpy. she would act like she hates it then sob to it when no one’s around

captain: temptation - new order

ah, my skrunkly beloved captain. he would almost certainly not listen to this but i think it applies to him fairly well. it feels like how he’d feel when he’s in love. trying to tell himself it’s wrong but he can’t help but feel it, and it feels great. but he finds it hard to express his feelings and the love he has.

(honourable mention to just take my wallet by jack stauber. tbh any sad jack stauber song that i know applies to him.)

pat: right back where we started from - maxine nightingale

fun. happy. the sort of song to dance around to in your socks in the kitchen. pat energy at its finest.

julian: black star dancing - noel gallagher’s high flying birds

it’s a horny song. no other reasoning to be honest

[nymeriaaa]

Do you have any tips for a gal who’s slightly depressed because of her exam result? Asking for myself.😔

oh no lovely 💜

when im feeling depressed and want to make myself feel better and not just lay in my room and wallow in self pity (which i do a lot) i will listen to some of my favourite music, or will watch my favourite shows/youtube channels (atm it's ateez/ikon/skz content) but anything light hearted will do generally. i know when im feeling down like this i usually don't wanna go out and do anything too strenuous... i need to work myself up to that point first. reading can help too but depends on what... i usually will read something i've already read before. sometimes a drive can help too... along the beach, windows down and music blaring.

i really hope you're okay, please don't let it get to you too much. exam results are not the be all end all i promise💜💜

[poemsbydee]

If you’re like me, then wallowing in self pity feel so much easier than advocating for yourself.

And truly, it is. It is the easy way, thread we’ve done it since we were sad teens, it’s straightforward, and predictable.

And it’s ok And even good sometimes. Sometimes you just gotta be the emo kid who listens to sad music.

Healing is harder. Healing requires change, which is already very frightening.

You never know where it’s gonna go; there will be people that will most definitely be rude to you. They’ll be total fucking assholes; and there’ll be nothing you can do about it.

They might even be people you knew and liked.

Healing is hard and painful and weird, and sometimes just fucking backwards for no! Reason!

But it has to be done, sometimes I’m more upbeat and hopeful about that.

But today I’m so glad that even when I’m feeling like today, atm, hopeless and sad and worthless,

I don’t feel these the same anymore. I don’t feel the bottomless hopelessness, I feel disappointed. I don’t feel sadness like I did, yes I’m sad, but I’m not depressed to a degree that I don’t even know if I feel anything, and I’m feeling worthless, but at the very least I know it’s not true. It’s a hard feeling, it still hurts, but it doesn’t cut new wounds anymore; not really.

I have other ways of getting new scars next to my old ones.

And yes, it’s a part of healing.

And yes, it’ll hurt like shit.

It’ll be worth it.

[mindthewitch]

Okay out of pocket and may be too soon to say but I think I'm getting better.

Heres a list of why I think that:

I'm opening up more

I'm actually able to contribute to convos on the spot(normally id have to think bc anxiety, and I still do if its someone important or an iffy topic)

Ive been happy since my last panic attack(which is like 2 weeks and its really weird)

Ive been more willing to get work done(but one day I was super tired and didnt do a thing which was also nice)

From above^, I didnt badger myself for not doing anything

I'm practicing self-appreciating humor

I'm trying to be more confident and tell myself that I deserve to be treated better

I'm not hiding my feelings as much(unless my feelings will directly hurt someone)

I'm not falling back on my trauma when things are hard anymore, im thinking about how much better things will be when I get through it

Confidence is my goal atm and then I'll move to healing(but theyre kind of one and the same)

I wasnt really able to be the kind of friend I wanted to be when i was sad(because I was too focused on my sadness) but im trying to help my friends more, be brighter with them, call them cute names, be there for them, because they deserve that and I havent given them what they deserve

On cute names^ , its really hard for me to call someone a cute name bc I dont want them to be uncomfortable but I'm saying to myself, "its a term of endearment, and I want them to know they are loved"

I am liking my body and myself more(which is SUPER weird bc I hate myself) and im trying to do right by myself by eating better and not wallowing in my own self pity(I'm on the chunky side and I would like not to be)

Though it still needs work, I'm more confident in my ability to have a (romantic) partner, although im not good at long distance or anything so I wouldnt be able to keep it up

^^^^I'm also working on taking initiative and texting people first, starting conversations, making (jokes) icebrakers, being more interactive in classes, taking risks

Talking to people I like(am comfortable with) and avoiding people I dont like(those who make me uncomfortable, I just think theyre rude, or I think they dont like me)

I'm actually interested in learning again

I'm still struggling with motivation but im making movements to change that

I'm listening to some happier music(I LOVE sad songs and rock and everything but I never really had any music to suit a happy mood and now I do, but that rock shit still makes me happy)

I'm trying to get around assuming that people dont care, such as with this post. I'm posting it to get it off my chest and "I know no one cares, but why should I care? Its my blog." Thats what I'm saying.

I'm trying to step away from bad habits

I'm trying to grant myself fun where I can

I'm still struggling with the juggling of life but I'm going with the flow a bit more

I'm trying to get less annoyed at the little things

I'm exploring more of the media that makes me happy

I am actively seeking out methods of making myself happy; researching faith, ways of coping, meditation, grounding, nature(and natural remedies), just being in the moment, taking that time to just stand there( I did this recently: I had just come out of barnes and noble where I made a purchase I quite enjoyed(see the leaning ladies), I had a London fog latte, and I was just standing in the rain talking to my mom and laughing)

I am telling my mom more things, seeking out her advice and help rather than trying to do it myself so I'm not a burden bc she has told me she gets annoyed when im ALWAYS sad.(but sometimes I think shes annoyed when im happy and shes not too)

I'm being more vocal about who I am, what I like, who I like, why I do or dont like something(of course only with people who want to hear it, I'm not just spouting shit, although that may seem like its not the case bc of this post haha)

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

i was having such a bad day and i just got my period... i hate it here :( i wish i had a girlfriend or boyfriend to cuddle..😭 i hope you're feeling better than i am, you said you're in a bit of a rut.. but I hope you can find some comfort these days!! (You're very pretty, too!!🥺) ~ a shawol anon

Thank you dear. 

I’ve kind of just been wallowing in self pity atm, I got my period too so my emotions have been out of whack too. Tomorrow I have class again for the first time in like a week so maybe that’ll bring me back to the real world a little

[anothers-trash-my-treasure]

Can i ask what's in ur inbox ?

The same as a few weeks ago.

It’s going to take me a hot minute to get anything out. It’s midterms and ya girl is going through some shit atm and it’s a little hard to do anything other than lay around and wallow in my own self pity so please be patient with me.

[mayonaka-no-ame]

blue

blue: what do you do when you’re sad? Wallow in self pity....or try and distract myself with abnoxious kpop songs ʘ‿ʘ.what are some things you do when you can’t sleep? watch youtube videos or scroll trough social media 🤷‍♀️ . what was the best (non-romantic) night you’ve had?wtf is a romantic night? ...all my nights are the same 😅  uhmmm...maybe either seeing Lacuna Coil or Duran Duran live? that was quite some years ago now ( ◢д◣) what kind of covers do you have on your bed? what a weird question XD ...atm a duvet cover of a winter scene with a lil house and some moutains...a simba blanket and a plaid blanket. who is the last person you told a secret to?Probably my best friend (Call-my-master)Thank you （〜^∇^)〜 ///3